9th Cycle

Yes, I'm still trying, I just haven't found the motivation lately to post to be honest. We are CD10 though,and I'm just hoping every day that I may ovulate. We got a positive OPK last cycle, the first one, but didn't get pregnant, so we're trying again this cycle,and being more strict on sex every other day (it's a slow down for us). Here is today's OPK, although I know that the camera doesn't capture very much of the color, it is there and darker than CD5.

Hoping that this is our month, knowing Easter is actually a celebrating of fertility, I am hopeful and should actually ovulation right on Easter!

Wait...we tried one cycle...and I'm NOT pregnant?

In November 2013, we decided we wouldn't "try" but wouldn't "prevent" either. My thought : "haha...this is going to be easy, I should have a positive before the end of the month". I had calculated my due date. I was ready to bring my maternity clothes out. I'm not exaggerating. I did this stuff. CD13, I start to bleed. What just happened? This can't be happening, I have perfect cycles. Not anymore. We started from scratch, I said it was a fluke for sure. Cycle Day 12 rolls around, great cervical mucous, I must be ovulating this time. YES. I calculated my due date for this cycle. We're going to catch this eggy!! CD14, 15, 16 roll around, I get excited, and we try to get pregnant this cycle. I've got this! CD17...start to bleed. At this point I already feel defeated. This has never happened to me before. We start over, this time I'm a bit more hesitant to be excited about it. My cycle is great! Egg white cervical mucous shows up right on time, CD12. It lasts ... and lasts. I read online that if it continues past your fertile stage, it could mean you're pregnant. At this point, I've reached CD20 and I'm convinced it's worked. In my previous pregnancies, I've gotten positives as early as 6 days post ovulation, so I start to test. Every time I went to pee, I tested. CD22 rolled around, still negative, but it's still early. CD22...period started. How is this possible. 3 cycles. This can't be happening. We start over. This time, I'm doing ovulation predictor kits literally every day, starting at cycle day 4. Cycle day 8 it starts to slowly get darker. Cycle day 10, it's almost positive! Cycle day 11, the same thing. Cycle day 12...very very negative. Why didn't it get positive? We try anyway through the cycle. I start testing again at CD20. Every day, until CD24...now every 4-5 hours. CD25, nothing. CD26, nothing. I'm surely pregnant, this is the longest cycle I have, even if the OPK didn't get positive, surely, it worked. CD27, still negative, and the dreaded scent started, my cervical mucous started to smell like menstruation. I cried and knew my period would show up shortly. CD28, it started. Four cycles. We are on our 5th cycle, about to start OPK's in a few days. Hoping this cycle is different. CD4 today. Menstruation is almost done (shortest period I've had in...before baby 5). That's pretty well what's happened so far in our journey to completing our family. Daily or at least weekly updates to follow :)

Telling People About Our Struggle

Let me start by saying I never thought I'd be writing a blog about trying to conceive, because I've never done it. Yes, I have children. However...I've never "tried" to conceive. Not really anyway. My first child, was a surprise. Surprise? Yeah...that would be the word I would use. It was on my 17th birthday that I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I was devastated. ...Surprised? Yes...we'll say surprised. I was religiously taking birth control, and obviously, wasn't extremely sexually active, but had been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Our second was "planned". That is, I decided it would be nice for our daughter to have a sibling, so I stopped birth control, and three weeks later, found out I was pregnant. My third pregnancy is a long story, but I'll make it as short as I possibly can. I was a surrogate, a traditional surrogate, using my own eggs. We decided that we would try for one cycle. We tried for one cycle and sat around and hoped that it would work. It did. Twins. What were the chances of that. Five months after they were born, I got pregnant with my fifth baby, while on birth control. My (then) husband was over joyed that we were adding yet another baby to our family. A third child. I was in denial. For a long time. But, baby Evan came along, my chubby happy baby. This is where my story goes for a whirl. I decided to do another surrogacy, and to leave my very unhappy marriage. We had been together for seven years, which seems like most of my life, considering I was 22. We had three children together, but the affairs taunted me and I really couldn't do it anymore. We had no base of a relationship...how do you sleep beside someone who you can't even trust? What kind of marriage is it when you have to force yourself to smile, you both go through routines, schedules...but there is no "happy". You go to bed every night, different times of course, turn away from the other person and avoid conversation. Eventually it becomes routine, and you just to go sleep. Wake up, get the kids ready for the day, get ourselves ready for the day. Carry on with whatever needs to be done that day, regroup for supper, get kids to bed, clean, go to bed. What kind of life is that? So yes, I decided enough was enough. I didn't want to wonder if the man I was supposed to spend my life with was taking off with a waitress, clerk, mail lady...my imagine would often run wild. Love does make it's way back into your life though. We both went into it with the mindset of noway no how ever having children, no marriage...no way was there a chance of that. I'm not going through THAT again. I went into my second surrogacy journey though. Contracts got completed, started meds. Meanwhile, a lot is happening in my new relationship. I started IVF medications. I went through the first cycle. My boyfriend was unbelievably supportive. Helped me do my injections. Ran to get me hot faceclothes as I bled from injections. Rubbed my butt when I had huge knots and pain from them. Dealt with my mood swings...the man deserves a trophy of some kind I swear. Negative Beta. Second IVF cycle. Cancelled 4 days before embryo transfer. Third IVF cycle. POSITIVE!! PREGNANT! I got digital positives, two line positives...you name it...I peed on it! We went for beta. Beta of 34. I knew right away. I've seen those numbers many times before. Second beta two days later was 12. Pretty self explanatory. Chemical pregnancy. At this point, we have done three IVF cycles...I'm walking away. At this point, at home, we had actually discussed possibly adding onto our family. First problem...IVF meds take a toll on your body. IVF meds are a nightmare on your body. IVF meds can prevent ovulation. ...And my story begins.